The Blahs.

I’ve written before about how I am not good about being sad.  I’ve also vlogged about it.  Talked about it.  Meditated on it.  Made a pie in the shape of a sad face.  But I was still SUCKING at being sad.

But then Sunday happened. 

What made me blah?  In a nutshell, a horrible, no-good, very bad, date.  It shook my belief in the idea that someone is actually out there for me.  I mean, if THAT GUY is what I am working with?  Kill me.  And then I might have decided it would be a good idea to email an ex (not THE ex, but the one whom I call Spencer.  The one who got out of an even longer relationship when I did last year) and ask him for reassurance.  Which worked at first, but quickly turned into a crying fest on my part when he answered questions like “Are you still seeing that girl” honestly and affirmatively.  FUCK.

Usually, after a Sunday like I had, I would have planned my whole week full of social engagements and jaunts into the city; to avoid, to distract, to get over.

But instead, I decided to just be sad.  I didn’t talk to anyone.  I curled up on the couch and watched two amazing movies.  I wallowed.  I drank tea.  I didn’t try to make myself feel better.  I didn’t watch funny movies to laugh– I watched what my netflix has labeled “Sentimental Independent Movies”… and I might have cried some more.  And I was okay with it.  For one of the first times in my life.  I was totally content being not-happy.

And today I feel a little better.  And that’s all I need; a little hope. 

And maybe, just maybe, her heart needed to be broken.
broken and shattered and stomped into pieces.
then she could finally look down at the pieces,
and study each once and spend some time
getting to know
the person she’d become.
and when she finally had all the pieces back together again,
a little crooked, a little jumbled
but sealed firmly with love
she’d realize she was more beautiful than ever.
because this time,
she would love herself.

7 Responses to “The Blahs.”

  1. I'm glad you allowed yourself to be sad. Sometimes it's just what we need. Who is the poem (if it is one) at the end by? Love your face!

  2. I defnitely agree with the last part of your post. I believe we need to be sad sometimes so we can learn from it. i usually try not to be sad, but now & again i Wallow in it. explore the feeling & basically just examine the pieces. i usually come out of it better that way. i'm glad you are starting to feel better w/o the distractions.

  3. Yeah, you know I hear you loud and clear on this. I constantly find myself trying to talk myself out of being sad, because the feeling is just so miserable, but then it catches up with me again later. I'm working on facing it all the way.

  4. I always felt like it was ok to BE sad, but not ok to REMAIN sad. Allow 24 hours to be sad, mourn, cry, be angry. Then after the 24 hours, move on. You have to process the emotion to be able to move past it, right? If you ignore the sad, it's still hiding there somewhere underneath. But if you allow it to surface, you process it emotionally, physically, mentally, and then it goes away.

    (I wandered over from Home Ec hope you don't mind that I spoke up) :)

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