Don’t go changing. Seriously. Don’t.

Last week my friends had our monthly potluck, an event that I hate to miss so I trudged over with my vegetarian chili despite having a little bugger of a migraine.  I was not myself for sure.  Mellow and quiet is not my usual mode of operation, and migraines zap energy.  That’s science.  One of the guys commented on my energy level.  He said he “dug the mellow Bri” and I laughed and replied “I get that a lot.”

I told my Grams the story and she said something along the lines of “It might be something to think about.  Your energy may scare potential love interests away.” 

I AM SURE IT DOES.  I can GUARANTEE you that my energy level has intimidated people before, BUT I cannot spend my life wanting to be different than who I am in order to attract men. Wishing that I was calm or shy would be as productive as praying I’d be shorter…. a complete and total waste of time.  I mean, some guys like quiet girls…. those guys aren’t for me.  There is nothing wrong with that. C’est la vie.  I mean, some guys are super outdoors enthusiasts.  If your idea of a perfect date is to hike half-dome– we’re probably not an ideal pair.   And how silly of it would be of me to fake that I liked vigorous outdoor sports?  Ridiculous.  I would be MISERABLY hiking up and down mountains all the time.  MISERABLE.

There have been times in my life that I’ve TRIED TO BE CALMER.  It never works though.  Instead of reserved and quiet, I get hyper-critical and self-conscious.  I start to hate myself.  My future husband won’t cringe when I talk too much or laugh too loudly or have a giggle fit in a grocery store;  he’ll love it.  He’s join in or take pictures or just sit back and LOVE me. 

I think it is a slippery slope of insecurity to start thinking you need to change in order to attract men. 

So here’s a little reminder in case you need it (because I know I do sometimes):

You ARE amazing.  You’re unique and beautiful.  Do not get discouraged and try to change yourself for a guy, a friend, or ANYONE.  Be yourself.  Find yourself and learn to LOVE THE HELL out of you.  I’m serious.  Find things you love and you’re passionate about.  Passion is sexy.  The happy and secure version of you will attract the right people.  If you’re single it may take a while to find a fantastic partner.  Who cares.  You get more time to figure you out and more time to LOVE ON your friends and life.  You’re worth the wait.  Trust yourself and trust that good things are coming your way.  Don’t ever ever ever lower your expectations because you’re afraid of being alone.  Fall in love when it’s right and perfect.  Fall in love with someone who loves you for all of you and doesn’t require you to change a damn thing.  

14 Responses to “Don’t go changing. Seriously. Don’t.”

  1. I love you, my dear.
    This is simply beautiful.
    And a great reminder that too often we are told to change or make things different to get what we want; I agree with you. It doesn't work like that. We get what we want/need/deserve because of who we are.

  2. I whole heartedly agree… I spent a lot of time in past relationships, trying to 'flex' to who that person was. I lost sight of who I am… But now that I am older and wiser (I hope), I now know what I can compromise on and what I can't. I am probably the opposite of you in terms of bubbliness of personality, and I used to feel like I 'had' to be more outgoing/funny/etc, but now I know that the right guy will appreciate me for who I am and won't want to change me…

    Right now, I am tired of dating. I'm a bit beat up by it, actually. But I know that the right guy will make all the BS I've been through so worth it…

  3. Love this and love you. Never ever change your gorgeous self. What you said in this post is so so true. Why would you want someone to like you for something you're NOT? Excellent words of wisdom :)

  4. This is an awesome post. I 100% agree too! The right guy WILL not only deal with, but will love, your outgoing personality!! I think the idea of changing ourselves for other people (whether it be a relationship, a friend, a parent whatever) is a very bad, very slippery slope! Be who you are :)

  5. I love this so hard. You should never change for anyone. You've to be who you are and if they don't like it, screw 'em. You are beautiful and wonderful and all things amazing.

  6. Okay, since I have yet to get my tackle hug from you, you probably don't realize that I am about as loud and intense as they come. When I left the States to come back to Korea last time, my sister left my mom a message that said, "Don't worry, I'll just scream everything I want to say and you'll feel like Danielle is still here."
    Anyway, it's TOTALLY TRUE that the man who marries you will love you for exactly what you are. And dang, what a lucky man he's gonna be! Love this post, Bri!

  7. Wise words, and such an important thing to remember. You don't want to change yourself for someone, you want to find that one person who loves you for you. It will happen, and believe me, it's worth the wait!

  8. This is amazing. And so are you. Don't change, ever. This is getting a star in my google reader so I can go back and re-read it when I need a little boost of confidence. Love you.

  9. This is lovely. Live your life LOUD ! If you start molding yourself into something you aren't, down the road you forget how you were and can spend years finding her again. You are a perfect you!

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