Last week my friends had our monthly potluck, an event that I hate to miss so I trudged over with my vegetarian chili despite having a little bugger of a migraine. I was not myself for sure. Mellow and quiet is not my usual mode of operation, and migraines zap energy. That’s science. One of the guys commented on my energy level. He said he “dug the mellow Bri” and I laughed and replied “I get that a lot.”
I told my Grams the story and she said something along the lines of “It might be something to think about. Your energy may scare potential love interests away.”
I AM SURE IT DOES. I can GUARANTEE you that my energy level has intimidated people before, BUT I cannot spend my life wanting to be different than who I am in order to attract men. Wishing that I was calm or shy would be as productive as praying I’d be shorter…. a complete and total waste of time. I mean, some guys like quiet girls…. those guys aren’t for me. There is nothing wrong with that. C’est la vie. I mean, some guys are super outdoors enthusiasts. If your idea of a perfect date is to hike half-dome– we’re probably not an ideal pair. And how silly of it would be of me to fake that I liked vigorous outdoor sports? Ridiculous. I would be MISERABLY hiking up and down mountains all the time. MISERABLE.
There have been times in my life that I’ve TRIED TO BE CALMER. It never works though. Instead of reserved and quiet, I get hyper-critical and self-conscious. I start to hate myself. My future husband won’t cringe when I talk too much or laugh too loudly or have a giggle fit in a grocery store; he’ll love it. He’s join in or take pictures or just sit back and LOVE me.
I think it is a slippery slope of insecurity to start thinking you need to change in order to attract men.
So here’s a little reminder in case you need it (because I know I do sometimes):
You ARE amazing. You’re unique and beautiful. Do not get discouraged and try to change yourself for a guy, a friend, or ANYONE. Be yourself. Find yourself and learn to LOVE THE HELL out of you. I’m serious. Find things you love and you’re passionate about. Passion is sexy. The happy and secure version of you will attract the right people. If you’re single it may take a while to find a fantastic partner. Who cares. You get more time to figure you out and more time to LOVE ON your friends and life. You’re worth the wait. Trust yourself and trust that good things are coming your way. Don’t ever ever ever lower your expectations because you’re afraid of being alone. Fall in love when it’s right and perfect. Fall in love with someone who loves you for all of you and doesn’t require you to change a damn thing.