Back to Work

In a week, I am scheduled to return to work.

Cue freak out tears.

I am only going back part-time, and even that is temporary as living in the bay area is just too expensive to not have two full incomes.  Miles will be in day care three days a week for six hours each day.  We found a great daycare right across the street from Mr. A’s school.  The day care provider is an older lady who is really excited about having a little one to snuggle with.  There are four other children who attend, and they seem great.  They get to play outside and eat homemade vegetable soup for lunch.  The house is full of little kid noises.  It is completely affordable and I am sure Miles will get a ton of love there.  At least, these are the things I remind myself at 2am when I start panicking over the thought of not being with my little boy all day anymore.

Miles and I have developed a routine.  We know each other perfectly.  I know his different cries, which one means he is tired and which one means he is just being a fuss-bucket.  I am afraid that this lady won’t know all of his rhythms.  She won’t know that he likes to sleep on your chest with a pinky in his mouth until he’s soothed enough and fast asleep. She won’t know what faces to make at him to make him giggle. And then soon enough she will know all about him; maybe that’s what is freaking me out the most.  He will spend most of the day with someone who is not me and I am going to miss  things.  He’s going to start crawling and talking and being a person so soon and I am so sad I have to share that with anyone.

I also know that I will probably really like being back to work, in a way.  I really like routine and meetings and having lunch with adults every day.  I feel so very conflicted about the whole thing.

The fact is that I had all these ideas and plans for work once Miles was here, and now that he is here everything is different.  If we can’t have me home with him all day then I want to have the best possible job so I can send Miles to the best possible day care while I am away from him.

Maybe I can convince my Mom to move here to take care of Miles during the day?



14 Responses to “Back to Work”

  1. I’ve been trying to get both of E’s grandmas to quit their jobs to watch him when I go back to work, because I am f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g out about it. While taking care of him all day, every day, has been (HANDS DOWN) the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, it’s also the only thing I really want to do. I know I love my job and where I work, but I – like you said – am going to miss things with E and… it makes me unbelievably sad. It would be easier to accept if some of those “firsts” that may (or may not) happen while he’s in daycare, happened instead with a grandparent. Amiright?


    Mommyhood is hard.

  2. Oh honey, I can imagine that that’s a tough decision to make. Sometimes, I really miss working with Adults in an Adult environment. But remember that no matter what happens, your baby will love you. Always and forever. He will never ever forget what his mommy looks like, smells like, and feels like.

    No one can replace mama.

    Squishes from me and ZomBaby. <3

    • I want to know how you manage working from home with Gabriel. It seems like I would be split, trying to focus on both would result in a poor management of both.

      • Truth? I don’t get much work done during the day. I spend my entire day with Gabe and get my work done from 6:30PM-12AM. It’s easier if I can hand Gabe over to his dad. When Gabe goes down for a nap (or two) during the day, I sneak in meetings and work. If he’s fussy, my people just work around me.

        They’re so understanding. I’m so lucky.

        PS. Skype call soon, ok? <3

  3. Oh what a big event for you! I can’t imagine being torn like that. I will say though, so many of my girlfriends have gone through something similar and all of them ended up saying that their worry was far greater than anything that actually ended up happening. Maybe this nice lady who will be taking care of the adorable Miles won’t know all his sounds yet, but as someone who spends my day with kids- I suspect she will pick up everything she needs to know to make sure his days are full of happiness and good times until he gets back into your arms. Hoping the transition goes well- Miles is lucky to have a mom who thinks of him like you do.

    • I love you woman. Thanks for the well wishes. We are thinking now I might push back my start date another week. Just to be better prepared and all.

  4. my parents keep telling me they will take care of whatever baby i make as long as i make one, and soon… it’s like their grandparent clocks are ticking. 😛

    hope the transition goes well. it sounds like a good place for miles, and so close to mr. a’s work. that’s a bit comforting, isn’t it?

  5. Like suki, my mom’s (not so much my dad) grandparent clock started ticking years ago . Though I’m without a husband and kids, I know this is tough. But, you’re his mom, he loves you! And it’s right across the street from Mr. A’s school.

    I hope that the transition goes well.

  6. Honey.. In a heart beat I’d be there! Nothing would stop me. As you said, Bay Area limits. Yoiu/Miles will be ok. I’m here .

  7. I feel your pain, girl. My little one is 12 weeks old and I am going back to work on February 1. When she was first born the idea of going back to work was something that I constantly put off but now it’s suddenly upon us and I’m freaking out. I know it will be hard but I have to keep reminding myself that me being at work making money is ultimately what’s best for our little family. Best of luck to you!

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