Holding My Breath

I have been feeling like I am in the weeds lately.

I don’t even want to acknowledge that I took pictures of Miles for his 3 month-a-versary-of-life and then didn’t post them.  Little dude is now 4.5 months old.  (Which means I also have his 4 month pictures on my camera.)  You see, he got sick around 3 months, and I went back to work.  That was a lot to deal with.  I’ve been back at work now for almost 2 months, and the adjustment has been hard.  Not because work is hard, being away from Miles is hard, which duh.  When I get home I want to smother him in kisses and then I generally collapse on the couch and try to snuggle my husband because I HEAR THAT’S IMPORTANT and then we’re asleep by 9pm.

Miles is amazing, by the way.  His new thing is rolling on purpose and blowing raspberries.  Very cool.

Every part of me loves being a mom and wife, it’s challenging and rewarding and so much fun.  Now I just need to figure out what the hell I am doing professionally.

And while I am waiting, trying to figure out the details I am having a really hard time writing.. or really talking/doing things.  I am constantly perusing job listings, applying, waiting, interviewing, waiting, not getting jobs, crying, drinking champagne in a bathtub and feeling sad, applying some more.  Something needs to change and move.  I just don’t know what or when it will happen and the waiting thing has never been my strong suit.  Rejection is also not super high on my list of “Things I am Good At”.

So, I have momentary tunnel vision until I get this all sorted out.

It will all work out.  It will be worth it.  That’s what I keep telling myself.  I will find the perfect situation for me and then I will continue coming home to this little face BUT hopefully by then I will also be able to write again.

3 Responses to “Holding My Breath”

  1. You are strong, woman! You have a heart of gold. I know waiting and rejection are tough (I’ve been there too), but you will get through it. You have an amazing support system. A husband and son that love and adore you.

    You are strong and loved.

    <3 <3 <3

  2. It’s tough when certain parts of your life are absolutely wonderful and then there’s one that sucks. You feel bad about feeling bad. But, it’s okay, you’re allowed. Just keep swimming, as Dory said, and eventually you will reach that place where everything is happy and wonderful. P.S. Miles is so adorable!

  3. It’s comforting to know that even though you and I are at wildly (WILDLY) different stages in our lives, we can all sip champagne in the bathtub and make it all right. :)

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