Life as of Now

::Tap Tap Tap::

Oh blog.  Hello!  Nice to see you.  You definitely need a bit of a dusting and maybe some new curtains, but it’s nice to see you’re still technically here.

OK.

Since my last post:

Family

CarSelfie

  • We moved!  To San Diego!  About 6 weeks ago!  I will use these exclamation points when everyone is back in school and everyone just calms down!
  • Our new family motto is “Everyone Just Needs to Calm the Eff Down.”
  • We moved to be closer to Mr. A’s parents.  They’re amazing and I love them so hard.  They didn’t even blink an eye when I instituted a weekly family dinner immediately upon our arrival.  I just… really needed some routine and ritual as soon as possible.
  • Moving away from my friends and family was insanely hard.  I cried a lot.  Duh.
  • Being in San Diego feels like I have breathing room again.  Less pressure.  Friendlier people.  I have not a single ounce of doubt that this was the right move for us.
  • I am still in the same job, working out of our swanky (empty) 3rd Bedroom (I’m so alone).  Mike got a killer job at a new school and starts in August.  Miles just started his transition into a new Montessori school yesterday. (Spoiler Alert: He loves it.)
  • We got a mini-van about two months before deciding to move to San Diego, because of the drive from San Jose to San Diego.  So, that’s cool.  That DVD player is totally getting all the use we intended…. not.
  • We’ve been trying to add Baby #2 for a while now, but 4 miscarriages later with no explanation, I have turned into a rather happy hippy.  All organic, supplement ingesting, natural deodorant wearing, happy hippy.  (I think my body didn’t particularly enjoy the stress it was under that past year and wasn’t that into the idea of carrying a child.  I think things could be better now that we’re here but even if we never have another child I am pretty sure my family is going to be better of with better food in our bellies and a calmer way of living.)

Miles

  • Miles is now almost four years old.  I skipped right on through the two’s and most of the three’s and what do I have to show for it?  Well, I guess there’s this kid:

ice cream kid

  • Miles is, as his teacher described him, “a very social, very silly, stereotypical boy’s boy with a sensitive side that it real.”  That’s right.  Despite all my goals of creating a family without gender stereotypes he seems to heavily gravitate to things like sports, trucks, pirates, and dirt.  Although, I would like to point out that he additionally loves a good pedicure and loves fairies too.
He's a pirate fairy.  Obvs.
He’s a pirate fairy. Obvs.
  • He is stubborn and crazy and loves a good audience to misbehave in front of.  He likes pop music and when he asks to go to the park he always says he has a “park meeting to go to”.  He cried this morning when he woke up and I wasn’t there (He climbs into our bed in the middle of the night without fail).  The solution was cuddling.  This guy loves cuddling.
  • I have learned a lot about parenting since last I wrote here, and I plan on writing more about all those things.  I think the biggest thing I have learned is that I really only know how to parent my own kid.  And to read as much as humanly possible about various forms of parenting and child development and then throw as much as you can at your particular child until you find what fits.  For example, Miles goes to bed super easy, will try any food you put in front of him, hasn’t actually thrown a horrible tantrum in public in ages, and he met his new teacher last week and shook her hand like a little gentleman.  I’d love to take credit for all of those things, but aside from developing a pretty good amount of trust in terms of the food I serve him being not-too-spicy-I-promise, this kid is his own person.  You know?
  • He’s super weird and gets really upset when things are “unjust”.  That’s more of “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.  Ha.

Ok.  That’s a nice ramble to start with.

Miles at 15 Months

Sometime recently this baby turned in to this toddler.

swingdaddy 549884_10100619119805987_2143930591_n

Having a toddler is a whole different thing, let me tell you.  

I gave birth to a tiny, fragile baby.  It changed me in a lot of ways– my priorities, what a perfect Saturday looks like… but when they’re babies they just kind of go along for the ride of whatever interpretation of parenting you choose.    Then they become a toddler and they stop being cool with being strapped to your being and going with your plans like a loaf.  Miles suddenly has opinions and feeling and OH MY GOD he is fearless and does not give to thoughts about how going down the BIG BOY slide that the three year old’s are afraid of might actually give his mama a heart attack.  He doesn’t have time to care.  He’s too busy experiencing everything.

This morning I was sitting, enjoying my coffee, planning on spending at least another 15 minutes at home before taking Miles to school and heading to work.  I took out some of Miles’ cars for him to play with; I mentally high-fived myself for being on top of things this morning.  Miles took one look at his car, shook his head no, and went and grabbed his sweater, handed it to me before sitting down waiting for it to be put on.  He was ready to go to school thank you very much.  Determined child.  Exhausting, overwhelming, amazing, determined child.

He is trying to talk more.  He says belly button — (but it sounds like bawwy-buh-uh).  Close enough kid.  He is on the brink of so many things… so many things that are going to break every notion I have about who he has been so far.

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I’ve been quiet lately.  Having a baby has made my world much smaller, but I think I’m wrong in my feeling that it’s not of interest because it’s small.  More importantly I don’t want to miss recording life.  Two years ago, I started dating Mr. A, and I am so happy that I wrote through that and finding out I was pregnant.  They’re cherished bit of my story.

 

Miles at 15 months:

Favorite food: Beets and pizza

Stats: 25 pounds, taller than all the other kids

Love: Balls and cars and slides

Words: Mama, Dada, ball, nana (banana), Ba! (Bottle), belly button, dog, Abby, bye, bubble, tree, bird, uh-oh.

A first. #nablopomo

Dear Miles,

Ten things I wish for you on your first birthday:
  1. I hope that you continue to march to the beat of your own drummer.  Find the things that you LOVE and just be about those things unabashedly.  Find people to be in your tribe.  Forget about everyone else.
  2. I hope that you care about people.  Your Daddy has a huge heart and your Mama cries over injustice often, empathy is not a weakness.
  3. I hope you learn which rules to break.  Birthday cake can be a fine breakfast and sometimes ditching school to road-trip with your friends can be magical (Just make sure you tell your mom where you’re going and be safe!).
  4. I hope that our home is always a safe place.  I want you to feel comfortable being exactly who you are and when things get crazy I want you to always always always know you can find refuge at home.
  5. I hope that you’re a good friend.  Fiercely loyal and fun-loving.  I think that you are who your friends are, choose well.
  6. I hope you love learning and school and reading and science.  The world is so much bigger than you know.  There are journeys to go on.
  7. I hope you get in trouble just enough to learn your limits, but not enough to require Mommy and Daddy bailing you out of jail.
  8. I hope you stay fearless.  You it out as you go.
  9. I hope you never get to old for a little snuggle time.  I won’t tell anyone, but hopefully you won’t even care if I do.
  10. I hope you know how many people love you Buddy.  Even more than that, I hope you grow up with a deep sense of security because you have so many people in your corner.

You are the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done.  Thank you for making me Mama. I love you.

Miles Right Now. #nablopomo

Fearless.  Stubborn.  Social.

This is how I would describe my son as he’s gearing up to turn one.

He is growing up so very fast and as his personality comes out more and more when is apparent is that he is a bundle of contradictions.  He is fearless, regularly receiving accident reports at school for attempting feats outside of his skill level.  At the same time, he has been taking steps for a whole month now, but shows very little interest in making walking a full-time thing.  He walks mostly when he’s distracted or when he thinks no one is watching.  He’s tentative and brash at the same time.

He eats anything, preferring big flavors.  No thank you on plain pasta but put a little balsamic vinegar on it, and he will eat it with both hands.  Last week he surprised me me chomping down on some red bell pepper and yesterday he wanted to try the prosciutto I was preparing for his birthday party and he loved it.   He goes bananas for ice cream but will eat beets every day for lunch.

Yesterday I came into the front room to find Miles standing on the landing of our 2nd floor apartment.  My heart stopped as I imagined him trying to “walk” down those stairs (Luckily I got to him in time!).  We thought my father-in-law had accidentally left the the door a little open, and Miles took advantage of the opportunity.  Then that night Miles goes over to the front door and opens the door.  Like it was no big deal.  I’m horrified.  My husband is proud.  Our door is now forever deadbolted.  

He laughs when other people are laughing.  He is easier to deal with during the “witching hour” before bedtime if a guest comes over.  If he’s fussy, I’ll take him to Target because he loves looking at people and flirting with them in the aisles.

His hair is turning course and curly like his Dad’s, with my auburn color.  He takes of his socks every single morning on the way to school, no matter how cold it is.

On Friday’s coffee dates are a family affair.  Miles and I share an almond croissant.  Mike and I chat while Miles tries to stare at people until the give-in and start paying attention to him.  

I can’t believe he’s almost a year old.  A year ago tomorrow I woke up in labor.  Best thing that’s ever happened to me.

6 Months ago I was single.

Six months ago I went to a friend’s house for a little party and Mr. A walked in the door and something was different; something clicked. It was like all the air in the room became electric and I just wanted to be near him. We spent hours talking as if we were the only people in the room.  Our first kiss happened that night and he asked if he could come bring me pizza the next day.  I was shocked that someone like him would want to come bring me lunch and he was shocked that I wanted him to come.  That entire weekend feels like a movie I’ve watched hundreds of times, We both remember every bit in vivid detail, and it still gives me goosebumps.  When I am down I replay those three days in my head and feel at ease again.  Magic happens you just have to be open to it.

From the beginning, I could feel that this would be different.

Things moved quickly, but they were never scary.  He was always a step ahead of me and I have always felt completely adored and fully secure.  I don’t know if he will ever fully understand the gift he gave me by giving me a love that is so real and secure I can feel it in my bones.  Throughout my life, I’ve always felt so insecure in relationships.  I was always the one with the open heart.  I was the one who would dive in and then pray that he would eventually see that I was worth jumping in after.  I was equal parts desperate for love and not convinced that I was worth of the kind of love my soul longed for.  Mr. A and I took every step together.   We work so hard on our relationship, we want the other person to feel wholly known, loved, and accepted.  I want him to know that I so proud to call him mine, and he works every day to make me feel loved, beautiful, and treasured.

Four and a half  months ago I found out I was pregnant.  Mr. A and I had been dating for just over a month when I drove to his house with a pregnancy test in my purse.  I was terrified.  That night he simply held me while I cried.  He promised me that we would figure this out.  He told me he loved me and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.  He calmed my heart and he was such a rock.  By the next morning we knew that we were going to have this baby.  I am so lucky that he didn’t get scared and run away, I think so many men would have.  Instead, he held my hand securely in his and we haven’t looked back.

Two months ago we got married, and I have never been so happy ever.  I love the pictures from that day because you can tell how happy we are.

We’ve gone through more in six months then most people handle in a year, but I have never been happier.  I feel like I’m supposed to tell you that it hasn’t always been easy, but it’s not really true. It has been easy.  Loving him is easy.  Building a life with him has been so much fun.  I cannot wait for Baby M to joins us and to watch Mr. A fall in love with our son.  He already loves him so much, you can tell as he sings, reads, and talks to my belly every night.  He is going to be the most incredible father and our son is going to grow up with the best possible example of what it means to be a man.

6 months ago, everything changed.

(And thank you to every single one of you who have been supportive of all the things in the past 6 months.  You guys are amazing)

What I Want on My Wedding Day.

My friends asked me last night what I wanted the most out of my wedding day.

I told them that I think a lot of people get carried away planning their wedding and forget to plan for their marriage.  Mr. A and I, on the other hand, are the opposite.  With all that we’ve been processing with the whole falling-in-love-opps-we-are-having-a-baby thing we have been intensely focused on preparing ourselves for our marriage.  We have determined where we think we’re going to have conflict, we’ve talked about how we’re going to deal with conflict, we’ve tackled finances, we’ve debated household tasks, and listed what we both need to feel loved and valued.  We are trying to set ourselves up to succeed in our marriage.  Maybe because we know that we cannot possibly know the extent of what we’re getting into marrying each other, I feel like we’ve intensely focused on figuring out whatever we can. We’ve been trying to build a foundation that can withstand the storms that are sure to come.

Tomorrow I want to forget all about that stuff.

I want tomorrow to be magical.  I want to be so excited tonight that I can hardly sleep.  I want to get butterflies tomorrow morning while Erin and I get ready.  I want to feel beautiful.  I want to fall even more in love with Mr. A when I see his face light up the first time he sees me in my wedding dress.  I want to hold back tears (or not) while I look into Mr. A’s eyes and say my vows.  I want to take pictures with him after our wedding being only semi-aware that anyone else is even there because I’ll be to busy staring at his face and pinching myself for being lucky enough to get him for keeps.  I want to sit with my new husband, my bestie, and her husband and toast to love; the kind of love that does not happen often but happened to us.  I want to snuggle up to him as we fall asleep tomorrow night and hear him whisper “I love you wifey”.

I cannot wait for tomorrow.

State of Life

Whew!  Things have been a little on the busy side the past couple of weeks and the longer I go without updating, the harder it is to get writing again.  So today’s post is brought to you by the bullet point.

  • Mr. A and I moved into our new place 2 weeks ago.  We had the best help ever from friends.  I was basically not allowed to lift anything heavier than a broom….  we already have things on the wall and it feels like home.  I still can’t get over how much SPACE we have.  I have been in such tiny little places the past few years; having two full bedrooms, a dining room, and a long hallway feels very luxurious.  It’s also AMAZING to have a baby’s room.  Where baby will go.  Cause we’re having a baby.
  • We spent the first week snuggled on the couch without internet or cable watching Gilmore Girls.  It was his first time watching it, and he is OBSESSED now.  We’re well into the 2nd season already.  Mr. A says he better understands my snarky banter after watching it.
This is a face of joy as I finally get to brulee with a TORCH.
  • Last weekend was my bridal shower.  It was amazing and beautiful. (We each got to brulée or own Creme Brulée!)  My bestie was in town and so were Mr. A’s parents.  I basically love his parents to death, I am definitely getting lucky on the in-law front.  Bonus: His parents got along swimmingly with my family.  This is going to make life way more enjoyable (not that I thought they wouldn’t get along).
  • We are getting married in NINE days.  Nine.  Nine days.  Single digit.  I have all the things I need, and I am so freaking excited to marry him.
  • Baby has a new due date!  11/11/11 which means I am currently 14w5d.  I also started taking Gummy Prenatal Vitamins instead of normal ones, and my life just got way more happy.

    Totes an adult guys.
  • I got an email this morning that it was time to check-in to my flight for Vegas.  I might be 100% regretting my decision to sit this one out.  I am totally going to BiSC next year, and I’ll bring baby too.

Ok, so I think I want to open the floor up for questions. What do you guys want to know about that I haven’t talked enough about? Suggested topics: Mr. A, pregnancy, wedding, my thoughts on The Voice, my opinion of the season finale of Vampire Diaries, my favorite color.

Happy Love Day.

I’ve mentioned that Mr. A makes me CDs. (Which reminds me there is a new one sitting on his desk that I definitely forgot last night) (Which is probably ok because I made myself a “Silly Love Song” playlist on my iPod that I will be rocking hardcore until further notice.)  (Don’t judge me.)   (Eff it, go ahead and judge.  I totally don’t care) (Hi, parentheses.)  

Where was I?  Love.  Right.  So, as I am prepping for my huge lovely Valentines Dinner with the girls tonight while desk dancing to love songs… I am sending a little music your way. 

This CD is songs he thinks I’d like, and he’s totally right.  He has my tastes down to a science apparently. He’s trouble guys. 

1.  Neutral Milk Hotel – In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

2.   Lykke Li – Dance Dance Dance

3.  Matt Costa – Sunshine

4.  The Magnetic Fields – Why I Cry

5.  Hot Chip – The Warning

6.  Miike Snow – Silvia

7.  Tokyo Police Club – Favourite Food

8.  Joel Plaskett – Absentminded Melody

9.  Diamond Rings – Something Else

10.  m. ward – I’ll be Yr Bird

11.  The Beatles – Golden Slumbers

12.  Elliott Smith – Everything Reminds Me of Her

13.   Vampire Weekend – Campus

14.  Elvis Perkins – While You Were Sleeping

15.  Her Space Holiday – Tech Romance

Grace in Small Things: Not-So-Single Edition

I giggled writing that title.  For reals.

Not-so-single, with some SUPER AMAZING benefits. 

  1.  Let me be really clear:  All that romantic, mushy, movie-magic stuff that you’re afraid to believe in?  That shit is real.  Believe it.  Expect it.  Hold out for it. This isn’t just grace in small things, this is grace in HUGE things.  Huge things that you should demand for yourself too.  It’s out there, that’s what I learned this week.  Seriously. 
  2. Letting someone in past your walls can be super intimidating.  Every single thing Mr. A finds out, appears to make him like me more?  Even the dorky stuff and the messy stuff.  It’s freeing.  I feel like I’m falling for someone while simultaneously becoming more free to be exactly who I am.  That doesn’t even make sense but it’s true. 
  3. When you have a bad day?  Sometimes you get to have this super cute guy go to the grocery store for you to pick up things for dinner.  Then he lets you sit and drink wine while he cooks. (Then he makes fun of you for taking a ninja-spy photo and sending it to the internet in about 3 seconds.  He’s getting used to dating a blogger.  Ha.)

Where are you finding grace this week?  Go.  

Unicorns, Music, Tatoos. (The state of my brain today)

My head is still in the clouds.

My brain is full of prancing unicorns, twinkle lights, and fireworks.  Did I mention the unicorns are playing double-dutch?  They totally are.  How’s THAT for a mental image on a Thursday morning.  Good?  Ok.

I have no coherent thoughts today, but I am totally working on catching up on work I haven’t been able to do this week because I’ve been all day-dreamy/giddy/ridiculous.  Instead, I leave you with some inspiration and Hey!  Look!  A link to my Stratejoy post this week where I put together words into sentences and it meant something.  Holler.

New Boy has been making me CD’s, and this song was on the latest.  I absolutely LOVE it.  I love anything with strings I suppose, well done Mister.  Well done.  (He needs a better pseudonym…. working on it.) 

Via

Secondly, I’ve been obsessed with getting a bird tattoo. Thoughts?

Fumbled blog post FTW.