If my apartment caught on fire, and I had 20 seconds to evacuate I would A. Shove my cats in a duffel bag and B. Take the contents of one shelf of my library.
My prized possessions are, and have always been, books. I am not even talking about the fact that I collect books like it’s going out of style (How many bookshelves is “too” much in a 500 square foot apartment?). I am talking about my attachment to them. They are like my babies, I read and re-read. I have a shelf dedicated to my favorite books of all time. Books that mean something. Changed something. Books that are priceless.
There is a copy of Pride and Prejudice that Ryan gave me on my 21st birthday, and is over 100 years old.
There is the bible my grandmother received as a little girl.
There is a copy of Alice in Wonderland that has the scribbles of my grandfather when he was 5, including at attempt at his own name: complete with backwards “e”.
There is a the first book I read in french, “Le Petit Prince”.
My favorite books are the ones my grandpa sent me when I was in my undergrad. He sent me grammar books a couple of times a year (Sometimes even the same one). To him, being able to express yourself well and in a way that gains respect is really important. He also wrote inscriptions in every single on of them. LOVE that. 50 years from now, I will still have those words from my grandpa.
Anyhow, I came across this on MSN. It’s “10 Easy Secrets of Good Grammar”. Anytime someone can explain grammar in an intelligent and amusing way? Gold Star.
1. English isn’t Latin
Yes, this sounds horribly obvious. But it means you can shove a few important things right back in your middle-school teacher’s face at your class reunion. For example, you can split an infinitive (in Latin, infinitives are one word and can’t be split). So, if you want “to boldly go,” be my guest. Likewise, it means a preposition is an OK word to end a sentence with.
2. “I” isn’t always the more educated choice
Use “I” when you’re the subject of the sentence. Use “me” when you’re not. If someone is doing something with you, to you, or for you, for example, use “me.” “The teacher was talking with Susan and me about our test scores.” It’s been drummed in our heads so often that “I” is always the proper choice that even really eloquent speakers like President Obama slip up here. He’s said things like “the main disagreement with John and I,” for example. It’s true that English hasn’t always observed these distinctions between “I” and “me.” But careful writers and speakers do today. You might not be taken to task in the New York Times as President Obama was, but chances are, someone will notice and scowl.
3. Semicolons are easy to use
Semicolons are the Rodney Dangerfield of punctuation. They’re called bad names. They’re avoided by professional writers and scared students alike. But they’re easy to use and so fun to write; no one should feel intimidated. Use them to separate two closely related sentences if you don’t want the full stop of a period. Or, use them to separate a list of items that already has commas in it. For example: “I have a lot of favorite book characters: Harry Potter, who has a scarred forehead; Hazel the bunny, who is the bravest character in “Watership Down;” and Eugenidies, the title character in “The Thief,” because he is sarcastic and clever.”
4. Apostrophes: also very easy
Women in labor aren’t the only ones with contractions. Words experience them, too — especially when two have come together to make a whole new word (something that sounds icky and personal, but really isn’t). Have+not has a wee baby called “haven’t.” The apostrophe stands in for what’s missing. They’re also used in some possessives. So, all the president’s men … the chicken’s beak … that sort of thing. There is an exception. Possessive pronouns don’t need apostrophes. Yours, his, hers, its, ours, theirs: These words are inherently possessive, so you don’t need to gussy them up with any punctuation.
Apostrophes are generally not used to make plurals. It’s ABCs, not ABC’s. It’s the 1990s, not the 1990’s. There is an exception. If you’re talking about the A’s and B’s you got in class, or any plural form of a word with only one letter, the world will not come to an end if you stick an apostrophe in there. It does, after all, make clear the difference between “A’s” and “As.” The Apostrophe Protection Society might come after you, but they’re all the way in England, so you’ll most likely be safe.
5. Is it bad or badly? Good or well?
I feel … um, which is it? It all depends on what you want to say. There is a common misperception that “feel” and “am” are verbs that can only be modified by adverbs. It’s true that adverbs modify adjectives and verbs. But some verbs are what we call linking verbs. These link a modifier to the subject. I can feel “bad” just as I can feel crabby, grumpy or happy. (Have you ever heard someone say, “Oh, I feel happily today!” Of course not.) Likewise, you can feel “well” if you are talking about your health. It doesn’t mean you have perceptive fingertips. You can also say “I feel good” or “I am good.” It all depends on what you mean to say, so don’t let anyone force a non-rule down your throat.
6. Remember to be agreeable
It’s best when your subjects and verbs agree. In the world of grammar, this means you match singular subjects with singular verbs and pronouns. You can get away with saying, “Someone left ‘their’ coat in the bus.” But it’s just as easy to say “Someone left a coat on the bus,” therefore avoiding the inelegant pairing. Likewise, when you have two subjects, you need a plural verb. The apple and orange taste funny.
7. Be careful with those modifiers
What’s wrong with this sentence? Creaking open, the cat slunk through the door. Unless the cat has hinges, it’s the door that creaks open. It’s easy to stick a modifier in the wrong place, and it can result in unintended hilarity. It’s best to put your modifier right next to the word it describes. Beware those little phrases that sometimes insert themselves in the beginning of sentences. If yours doesn’t directly modify the subject, which usually comes right after the comma, you might have a misplaced modifier.
8. Punctuating with quotation marks
In American English, punctuation usually goes inside the quotation marks. There are some wee exceptions. So, it would be either: Did you just say “Look! A hamster”? Or, She said, “Have you seen my hamster?” Semicolons and colons also go outside the punctuation marks.
9. The dictionary is your friend.
OK, so this is my first cheat. It’s like asking the genie for infinite wishes as a way of working around the three-wish cap. But it’s not like I’m going to get fired for this, so … Use a dictionary
. You’d be surprised how many questions I get in my SPOGG inbox that could very easily be answered with the aid of a good a dictionary. I do offer a small caveat: Not all dictionaries agree on everything. (I know! This is sort of like finding out that the Wizard of Oz is just an old guy behind a curtain. Dictionaries are made by people
. People who have varying opinions. Weird.) My favorite is the Oxford English Dictionary
. If your library subscribes, you can get free access. Otherwise, there’s a fee. You’ll learn where the word came from, what it means, and how it has been used over time.
10. Everyone should have a language guide or two (or three) nearby
Dictionaries tend to be cursory when it comes to how words should be combined and punctuated. Grammar books, on the other hand, revel in this sort of thing.
The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar has a book called “Things That Make Us [Sic],” and it’s about funny bad grammar in advertisements, politics and Hollywood, among other things. People who liked “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” will like it.
For a more practical reference, there’s Bryan Garner’s “A Dictionary of Modern Usage.” Organized alphabetically, it’s packed with quick answers to common language questions. He also has a daily e-mail newsletter that points out the differences between such words as “mucus” and “mucous,” along with drier fare.
Mignon Fogarty’s book, “Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing,” is punchy and useful for people who don’t write for a living, but do have to write for work or school. Two books by Bill Walsh, “The Elephants of Style” and “Comma Sense,” are great for professional writers or people who care deeply about hyphens and the subtle differences they can make (along with a lot of other fine points of language).