via le love
via le love
This quote IS Spencer. Funny story. I have a thing for creative men. Like whoa. And I am dating the most creative man right now. And he is the reason I started writing back in high school. We dated for a year when I was 16, and I began to fill journals with things. (BTW remind me to tell you how he broke up with me back then. It is the WORST line ever.) Anyway, I filled pages with quotations that really GOT how I felt. There is so much power in having the words to adequately express yourself. And it was falling in love when I was 16 that pushed me to FIND THE WORDS. I was bursting at the seams with all these emotions I had never felt before! I needed to name them! Since then, I have filled dozens of journals with my thoughts, and with other people words. And now I am falling for him all over again, and its SO FREAKING COOL.
Passion is just not a negotiable character trait. And I love that Spencer feels the same way, because I don’t think life could ever be boring living that way. As I am rebuilding, redefining, etc post-horrendous break up, I know that having his voice in my ear telling me to find my passions and not to be afraid is the most amazing thing anyone could do for me right now. He is life altering.
So. Do you read Naturally Nina? Cause you should. Her posts are amazingly beautiful, uplifting and inspring.
Trouble is part of your life – if you don’t share it you don’t give the person you love the chance to love you enough. -dinah shore
Relationships are funny things. Ryan and I were proud of the fact that we RARELY ever fought. But, upon reflection, not fighing is crap. It means that instead of ACTUALLY talking about things, they were internalized. Mostly on my part. I know that part of my personality is to be the “peace maker”, I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. I don’t like conflict. I don’t like being a burden on other people, etc., etc.
Wow. How does one respond to something like that. I will say this, it made me cry. And, it’s not the first time he has made me cry because of something amazingly sweet he has said. He’s amazing at boosting me up, making me feel like I am the most amazing person who ever walked the planet. The secret is, that I think the same thing about him.
Side Note: I was thinking that after six months here, I have never opened up for questions from you all!!! So, if you’re reading this through a feed, click through and leave me a questions you’ve been wondering about! And if you came here the old fashioned way, leave a question too! It’ll be like de-lurking PLUS the question game. Totally fun, no?
From the desk of Spencer
Hello, I am not Brianna. How can you tell? I have yet to use an exclamation point. *winky face*
I asked Brianna if I could take over her blog for one post, without her permission. She gave me permission. So here I am.
I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to this young woman and I must say that what ever amusement, and wonder, and sunshine, and glee that you’ve absorbed from this young woman’s posts is more than tripled when shared in closer company.
This woman is capable, and persistent, and friendly and strong. All the words you would want to use to describe a woman you would want to be president, with the exception of that ugly word: politician.
I gotta say that the things she’s gone through in the past, have not phased her good nature or spirit, and that is the sign of truly fantastic character. She has taken only knowledge, and NOT pain, from these situations, a skill only the craftiest of us are capable of.
Very recently she’s gone through a transitional period in her life. She’s done the whole heartbreak thing that always feels unique in its own special way. Its a feeling you refuse to believe anyone else has gone through, at least for a while. But she didn’t take this time to close her heart, no no no! That’s not this story ladies and gentlemen.
She dived right in to life, more than ever. That by no means mean she ignored her feelings. She let it affect her in the right ways (respectively) at the right times (respectively). It hurt just as much as any other, but wouldn’t you know it, she’s still as sweet as a cookie of YOUR favorite flavor: Brianna flavored!
Look, I am not in to the whole blog scene. I am kinda anti-social networks. Sorry, its nothing against you all, its just not my scene. I guess I just never found anyone interesting enough sounding “on paper”; in person is a different story. However, then there is Brianna, who is more interesting than anything printing on any paper, ever (except the Declaration of Independence, sorry Brianna, but freedom rocks my socks).
This probably sounds like the ramblings of some love stricken (fill in the blank), but the purpose I am trying to serve is to fill in any blanks you may have had as to an opinion about someone you know only so much about. People tend to (in my harshest experiences) put only what they want seen on the exterior. Social networks make that easier (again, nothing against the users of such things). For me, it seems unfair to have someone like Brianna pared down to so little per day, per month, per whatever, especially when its NOT any type of front.
But I am sure she is just one of your many blogs. One of the many lives you dip delicately in to. I respect that. I do. If anything, I am happy for you that you found this one. One of a young woman who is MORE than eager to live life, and share every quirky, funny story that pours out of it.
I doubt you’ll ever be having a bad day and see a negative post on this blog. I doubt you’ll ever see the day where she posts about not smiling. I doubt you’ll ever want to stop following her blog. And I KNOW that nothing can bring a precious soul like hers down.
So to you readers/bloggers/commenters/
Thanks for reading,
P.S. She told me not to make this post boring. Did I win?
My Grandpa told me once that everything we do and every emotion we have as humans come from one of two places: love or fear. And this thought has stayed with me. Whether making major life decisions, or interacting with family, lovers, friends….. everything boils down to love or fear. .
When we’re standing on the edge of love, for instance– it is choosing to act from love and not from fear that propels us forward. I think fear is what makes us drag our feet. Yearn for the past– because it was safe and predictable. Even obscuring the truth of what the past actually was. The fear for the jump creates an idealized version of past events.
Similarly, when someone wrongs us. Our reaction can be from fear- defensive, abrasive, cold. Or we can chose to LOVE back instead. Hope for the best in people. Trust that our hearts our squishy and sometimes it seems like we’re feeling too much or risking too much… but really having a heart that is susceptible to heartache and has no fear is the most fantastic state to be in. Maybe it’s the only state to be in, if we truly wish to live.
I had the greatest weekend, because I have the most fantastic friends on the planet.
I have two research proposals to get out, and then I am moving in 4 days… so I am not sure how much posting will happen this week… but here are some pictures.
And a teaser: My ex-boyfriend (from when I was 16, we’ll call him Spencer) came to Disneyland yesterday also! We had so much fun, never would have guessed I would still be imagining kissing him after 8 years…. Seriously.
I had such a good weekend. Firstly, Erin came up on Friday. It was so nice to have her here. We went to a really cute restaurant that has beautiful rotating art on its walls. I think they change it up every month, and they’re amazing.
We chatted, drank champagne, and eat a glorious three course meal. Then, inspired by the art, we decided it would be a good idea to paint. So we went to Michael’s for some paints and canvas. I should post a picture of my painting, it didn’t turn out half bad
Anywho, we painted while watching Penelope and Stardust. It was lovely. And Ryan laughed at us because we’re goobers. See, my best friend is freaking rad. She’s gorgeous and smart and has a boyfriend with a chisled chin. When Ryan and I started dating, he didn’t believe that Erin was as big of a dork as me. Ha. He believes me now; Erin just hides it better than me.
The next day, on Valentines Day. We drank coffee and Ryan made us breakfast. And because Chris was running behind to pick Erin up we got to take Erin along for some of our Valentines Day loveliness.
Now, I know it ridiculous but the part of valenites day I was looking forward to the most was the purchase of this toothbrush. It’s the Oral-B Triumph with SmartGuide. It got such great reviews, and let me tell you… it is the greatest thing I have ever bought. This may be cooler than my crockpot…maybe After using this toothbrush, it feels like right after you go to the denist. SO CLEAN. It tells you when to move quadrants and tells you if you’re pusing to hard. And, for the cost of one of these on Amazon, you can get TWO handles at Costco. Whoa bargain. (I have brushed my teeth three times today cuase it feels so good to have clean teeth).
After Costco, we got to go look at model homes, and we went to some of the townhouses. We have gone before and parused the massive million dollar homes, and it was kind of cool to see the littler “more in our price range but not really” ones. They were more likely to have 2 or 3 bedrooms.
Then, we had extra time, so we went home for a nap (which is a key ingrediant to ANY good holiday weekend). Then we went for Sushi, which was so cute. We even got champagne. And then we went and saw “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Have any of you seen it?
I am still mixed about my thoughts on it. It was frustrating because the women characters were such exaggerated personifications of women’s occational neurotic quirks. Now, I know that some of us have had moments where we fulfil the “girly” sterotypes, but seriously? We are not that stupid and weak ALL the time. There were points where I turned to Ryan and said “This is SO not a good valentines movie.” I hate movies where men cheat on there wives for starters. It makes me absolutely sick. I hated “Closer”, and “The Last Kiss” made Ryan and me so uncomfortable after–I joke that we almost broke up. But, by the end, I liked the movie. Each character ended up where they should have– learning what they needed to learn. And I would go again to see Ginnifer Goodwin. She was amazing. She was able to pull of neurotic while still being endearing. And her last little speech made me cry.
Here’s the quote from the end of the movie that I loved:
“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bands and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope”
I should start off by saying that Ryan comes from a super duper Cat Family. My family always had cats… but they were never super awesome great cats or anything. And we were never that attached to them. For the most part, I considered myself a dog person and dreamed of the day I would have an awesome Golden Retriever or Irish Setter.
But oh Ryan’s family. Each person has a special cat that TOTALLY know’s that who they belong to. Right before Ryan and I started dating he gave his dad a kitten for his birthday, her name is Cheesecake. I love the name.
Anyhow. Picking out kittens when we moved in together was a BIG deal. It involved Ryan’s Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, and Brother-in-Law driving up to go check out the pound with us. We ALL agreed on kittens– We picked out two oh-so-cute little brothers. They were totally hyper and crazy and we were totally excited. They were two identical brown and white tabbys. We were going to name them Turk and J.D. We were going to name the naughtier of the two Turk so when he got in trouble I could yell TURKELTON! (Does anyone else watch Scrubs?)
Anyhow, so we picked them out and had to wait a few days so they could get neutered. Five days later I got a call saying that sadly, one of the little boys didn’t make it through the procedure, but the other one was ready to go home.
I called Ryan, totally devastated and freaking out. We definitely wanted two kittens, so that they could bond together and love each other. So Ryan told me to pick another one out. BY MYSELF. I was terrified. We had 7 people pick out the original two. How could I pick out one all by myself to be our FOREVER kitten?!?!?!??!?!?
I must have “tested out” 10 kittens that day. Holding them in the little tester room… but none seemed right. Then, I held a little grey tabby who was REALLY sick. She had no personality and no enegry and I was almost going to put her back. But then she reached up with her little paw and gently touched my face and started kissing my face and purring. I was sold.
And this is how we came to have Oliver and Lucy. We have had them for a year and a half. And I love them. Look how little they were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So so so cute. We forget how little they once were! Oliver is the one on the left, and Lucy is the one on the right. We mostly call Oliver “Yo” and Lucy “Booce”. I think Yo has eyes like Edward in Twilight and Booce has the most beautiful green eyes in the world.
I told you this story to get to two points.
A. Yo is mostly a shit head. He is kind of like a dog, lots and lots of personality. We can put him on a leash and take him to breakfast and he’ll lay under the table. He is not afraid of anything. And he is such an attention whore. He freaks out and meows so loud. Now, the following pictures are what happens when he gets bored. When Yo gets bored you can PHYSICALLY see him try to think of shithead things he can do … like this. Jumping on to the top of the kitchen cabinets and meowing just cause he can.
B. Booce is the biggest cuddle bug in the world and has also gained about a million pounds since we brought her home. She used to be so scared, and now she just want to get pet and stretch out and get her belly rubbed.
I hope EVERYONE gets to love something (before babies) this much.