Please excuse this rant, but its kind of why I have a blog right??
So. I am in a PhD program. I started last year, so this is my second year of school. It is a very cool program. Especially because it is fully funded and such. I began last year so excited about spending the next 5-6 years becoming an academic. However, I personally, found myself REALLY unhappy with school and where my life was going if I stayed. So, I made a decision to leave the program after my Masters is done. No one, besides some friends in my cohort, know that I am planning to leave. My adviser does not know. My adviser cannot find out. No one really can, it has the potential of affecting my last year in the program.
Anyhow, when I decided I was leaving, I began planning the next steps and my subsequent “new life plan”. Being an academia drop-out took some getting used to My plan was to get an internship to get some work experience and make them love me so much that when I finished school, they would hire me full time!!!! Well, last summer, I did get an amazing internship. But there was a catch, they would only hire me if I could commit to working 20 hours a week minimum during the coming school year, and then they would hire me when I was done with school.
So, that’s what I have been doing. I have been secretly working 20 hours a week while in a full time PhD program while also continuing my TA-ship (Cause that’s what pays my tuition). Last quarter I did well. I was totally able to schedule my time effectively. I was working on solidifying my plans for my master’s thesis; but it was manageable.
I am freaking out this quarter. I am presenting my Thesis at the end of this ten week quarter. I have 7 weeks left. I am taking a class with my adviser, so the demands are higher. I am meeting with my adviser every week to show her ALL the progress I have made in the previous week.
I am so tired. I am overwhelmed. I feel stretched and fussy.
I will be okay. I will do what I need to do, and in 7 weeks I will be so excited and proud that I am done. But there is so much to do, and yet the relief I will feel in 7 weeks feels really far away. Today, I got a card from my Bestie.. and it almost made me cry. I needed some love today, and she used her BFFAE ESP to know it.
Oi. Please send me good thoughts, and please forgive my occasional rant here. And let me know if YOU need any support. Maybe we can all just support each other a little.