Guest Post: Some Thoughts on Marriage from @wonjuwife

While I am in Georgia with the family the wonderful Danielle was gracious enough to guest post for me.  I met Danielle during VEDA last August and she is the most full of love, passionate, real person I know.  Love love love her.  I am so happy she agreed to write a little something for me.  I really respect her views on love and marriage; I think we’re both very similar in how we approach it all.

 

Hi! My name is Danielle and I am thrilled to be guest posting for Bri, as she takes a well-deserved break. I write over at Wonju Wife, sometimes, and I read Bri’s blog, all the time!

I am bursting with joy for Bri and Mr. A as they start their life together as husband and wife! What an exciting time for both of you and I couldn’t be happier for you. Because I’m sure no one will give you any advice about anything marriage related ever, I’m going to fill the gap with a bit of my own.

Make your own marriage.

Your marriage is just as unique as you are! It’s not going to look like anyone else’s. And as a blogger, sometimes I find myself getting nervous or upset that we aren’t doing the things other married couples are doing, or reaching the milestones they’re reaching, or taking the adorable photos they’re taking. But when I stop comparing my marriage to anyone else’s, I realize that it is perfect for us. Because Kenny and I have come from different cultures and countries, we’ve had to custom design our own culture, taking bits and pieces from here and there and sewing them into our own marriage. As newlyweds, it’s easy to get caught up in what you should be doing or what you’re expected to do. Forget all that crap. Your marriage is about YOU TWO. And it gets so much better when you stop doing things because it’s “what married people do” and start doing things that naturally flow from your relationship with each other.

Wash the dishes.

My friend and writer, Dr. Carmen Acevedo Butcher, once wrote, “Love is a muscle, not an emotion. It is something you make strong through the hard work of exercise, not something you hope stays around.” And I’ve found that to be true. In the glow of a new marriage, you don’t notice that love is work. But it is. It’s a discipline. It’s washing the dishes; it’s cleaning the litter box; it’s washing your partner’s feet.

Go separate.

When Kenny and I finally figured out that it didn’t say anything about our marriage or how much we loved each other, we finally just started doing things separately when we felt like it. Sometimes I want a burger and Kenny wants Chinese food. So, instead of compromising and one of us being slightly disappointed and not getting what we want, we separate! I go eat a burger, while Kenny eats Chinese food, and we meet back up both satisfied and happy and excited to be together again. I know that sounds silly at first, but in a marriage you will constantly be making decisions based on what works for both of you. So sometimes, just do what works for you individually. You don’t have to spend an hour before every outing deciding how to make both agendas work. Just decide which parts of the day you’ll do together, and in which parts you’ll take your own path. Your own path always leads back to your partner anyway. 😉

I’ll leave you with a beautiful essay on marriage by Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet, because he says all this better than I ever could:

You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

 

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from the same cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

 

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

We Blog, We Vlog & Kick Ass Penguins

The biggest influence on my blogging/internet life was the decision last August to participate in something called VEDA (Vlogging Every Day in August).  It was challenging and fun, and it is where some really fantastic friendships were forged.

#SFNYE would not have happened without VEDA.

Bloggers who Vlog.  (and drink gingerbread coffee)
Yesterday was the kick off for a new project, Nico is a genius BTW.  If you have any interest AT ALL in learning how to vlog and doing it with a super fantastic community check out the new We Blog, We Vlog website.  We will be posting sporadic topics to vlog about though the year AND it will be the place to get info on VEDA2011 this August. 
Here’s my video from yesterday and the link to my YouTube page if you’re the subscribing type. 

Video Wednesday.

The group of us that did VEDA really LOVED it.  A lot.  So, we’re working out the details about how we can keep going, details are coming soon but one thing we DO know is that we will be doing weekly videos.

Here is week 1, questions.  It’s a new YouTube account, so update your subscriptions accordingly.

A Very Special Birthday Celebration

It’s Ashley‘s birthday today!

If there is a person on this planet more deserving of a wonderful birthday it’s her.

She’s 100% kind and wonderful, thoughtful and hilarious.

She’s explosively adorable.

One of my favorite things about her is that she makes no apologies for who she is (or the music she likes).

She dances like no one is watching and inspires others to do the same.

So in honor of her birthday, we did.

Happy Birthday Soul Mate!





Editor: The amazingly wonderful Pham 
Dancing Done by: Pham, Nicole, Nora, Ian, and Me.




Side Note:  Vlogging will be back Wednesday.  And it’s question time!  SO, leave a question for me.  Anything.  Everyone should leave a question.  Even you.  YOU there.  Click through. Leave a question.  Go.

Words of Wisdom from the Jonas Bros

I came across this little gem of Jonas Brother wisdom and sent it to Nora who told me to “Blog the Shit out of it”.  Ok.


“I will find someone who loves me for who I am. And there’s nothing that I need to change about myself to find that- I can be confident in that.”

Nick Jonas 


Basically, I love this because it’s true.


Done.




And finally, in the spirit of HEY-YO HAPPY FRIDAY!  I made a VEDA video last night that I’m kind of proud of.  Take a look.  If you want.  Which you should.  Love your face.

The Day VEDA Made Me Cry. A Lot.

So, I have mentioned that I am partaking in VEDA.  Vlogging Every Day in August.  It’s been incredible.  (I think I’ve said that too.)  But yesterday, something incredible happened.


The topic was self image.  And the videos people put up were powerful, raw, emotional, and inspired.  Then, people’s comments/support/love for each other’s videos put me over the edge into a weeping, half-sobbing, half-joyous blog of Bri.  It was ridiculous. In the best way.  In the way that only happens when a community is real and honest and loving and kind.


Here are two of my favorites.








My friend Nora talked about how it can send a girl into a tail-spin when someone who calls them beautiful ends up breaking their heart. Our minds start playing the “well maybe I wasn’t beautiful enough” game.
Nico‘s response made me cry:

Here’s the thing about guys: Them being screwups has nothing to do with how beautiful you are. Guys wreck beautiful things all the time, and it’s not because it isn’t beautiful enough, it’s because guys are idiots.

I love VEDA.   

A Love Note.

Dear Interwebz,

I love you. 

It’s hard to explain the connection that is possible with people you’ve never met in person.  Isn’t it?  How do you explain to non-bloggers how there are people you’ve never actually met who are the first to get text messages when exciting things happen? 

I try to explain that, for example, Nora and I have been friends since before my big break up.  Her heart hurt with mine.   She checked in on me.  We talk daily.  We know the non-pseudonyms of all the boys we’ve ever talked about online.  Ashley too.  Soulmates.  (We also learned that someone’s crush looks like Beyonce.)  (What?  Like you’ve never Facebook stalked a crush for a straight on picture, to stick it into the “Celebrity-Look-a-Like Finder”)  (Pssh.)

After craziness and stress in July, I came back to blogging and the interwebs with lofty ambitions.  I joined in on VEDA, and have met new amazing people.  Such great people that Saturday night we all hung out together for #winetoreach. 

Via Pham

 There were a lot of us.  And it was insanely fun.  Between text messages, twitter DMs, and GChat– there was a lot of laughs and happiness exchanged. 

And as Ashley (#1) said “Why didn’t I know you before VEDA? Were we ships passing in the night? This makes me sad.”


I can’t believe that there was a moment in July where I considered shutting down this here blog.  I was tired.  And uninspired.


Well, I am inspired again.  You’ve inspired me. 


Love,
Bri

I have a confession…

I am LOVING Vlogging more than I ever thought I would.  For reals yo.  The best part is the twitter explosions that happen in the evening.  So, sorry I have not posted anything substantial this week so far!  But here are some videos:
There’s a pretty fabulous community involved.
So, let’s talk Vegas.  It was insane.
Friday Night we went to a club called XS at Wynn.  The highlight was that, because we had bottle service, we also had a bouncer.  When boys would stop by the table– he would move them along.  It felt pretty Hollywood actually.  Speaking of Hollywood:  We met Paris Hilton.  There will be a picture soon– it was taken not with my camera so we’re waiting on it. 
Saturday we went to the Bare pool.  21 and over.  Tops optional.  There are obviously no pictures from said event.
Here are some of my favorite pictures from the weekend.  The best part was being able to celebrate with Erin.  Best Friends don’t get married every day. 
It was incredible.

Wedding Month!

My best friend.  You know, this one.  She’s getting, with this ring, two weeks from Saturday!

I am so excited.

It’s been an onslaught of shopping and prepping for this month, and I’m not even the one GETTING married (Note to Future Husband: We’re eloping.  Love you).

This coming weekend we’re going to Vegas and we’re doing it right.  There will be excess, indulgence, and egregious amounts of alcohol, good food, and high heels.  We are staying in a penthouse suite at the Mirage… that’s insane.

This past weekend, my Grams took me into the city to look for the one dress I don’t have yet: rehearsal dinner.  And, I am IN love with it.

Isn’t it amazing?!
I’ve also been coordinating with my lovely date for the wedding about all the fun things we’re going to be doing.  Internetz meet my date.  His name is Lane.  He’s basically amazing.
Not just because he comes with a large selection of suits and other fancy pants, but he is going to let me drag him around the whole of San Diego the day after the wedding– and he fully knows it’s going to be vlogged about. 
Speaking of vlogging, I am doing VEDA this month.  VEDA is “Vlogging Every Day in August”, and it’s been so much fun.  You can check everyday on my youtube page (it’s up there on the right) or you can wait for me to post the weeks previous Vlogs every week…  or you could just not watch them.. but I don’t really understand why you’d chose that.  Just saying.  Here are the first four days of VEDA.