In a week, I am scheduled to return to work.
Cue freak out tears.
I am only going back part-time, and even that is temporary as living in the bay area is just too expensive to not have two full incomes. Miles will be in day care three days a week for six hours each day. We found a great daycare right across the street from Mr. A’s school. The day care provider is an older lady who is really excited about having a little one to snuggle with. There are four other children who attend, and they seem great. They get to play outside and eat homemade vegetable soup for lunch. The house is full of little kid noises. It is completely affordable and I am sure Miles will get a ton of love there. At least, these are the things I remind myself at 2am when I start panicking over the thought of not being with my little boy all day anymore.
Miles and I have developed a routine. We know each other perfectly. I know his different cries, which one means he is tired and which one means he is just being a fuss-bucket. I am afraid that this lady won’t know all of his rhythms. She won’t know that he likes to sleep on your chest with a pinky in his mouth until he’s soothed enough and fast asleep. She won’t know what faces to make at him to make him giggle. And then soon enough she will know all about him; maybe that’s what is freaking me out the most. He will spend most of the day with someone who is not me and I am going to miss things. He’s going to start crawling and talking and being a person so soon and I am so sad I have to share that with anyone.
I also know that I will probably really like being back to work, in a way. I really like routine and meetings and having lunch with adults every day. I feel so very conflicted about the whole thing.
The fact is that I had all these ideas and plans for work once Miles was here, and now that he is here everything is different. If we can’t have me home with him all day then I want to have the best possible job so I can send Miles to the best possible day care while I am away from him.
Maybe I can convince my Mom to move here to take care of Miles during the day?
You know you’re having a rough day when in the first 20 minutes of your being in the office your boss stops by because she can tell by the email you just sent that you’re already stressed out, and it’s not even 9am yet.
Last week my eye started twitching. I didn’t write a single word last week. Work has been intense. I have been responsible for a big software switch over that was set to go live Friday… and the developer just didn’t have it done. Instead of launching the new system Friday, I spend the day going through his “done” product and sending him 37 bugs/errors that make the system unusable at this point…. it is going to be a long week.
I tried to spend the weekend NOT thinking about work, but come Tuesday morning I was a wonderful picture of dread and crankiness. I did not want to come into work today. (I am 100% writing this on my break in case you thought I was adding to my stress with procrastination and avoidance.)
This weekend, however, was wonderful. The whole newly-wed thing is basically the best thing in the world. Mr. A reads to Baby A every single night and it makes my heart melt. We spend a couple of hour Saturday registering for Baby A… which was SO much fun and a little stressful. It’s an intense thing to pick something out for someone you’ve never met and without much base knowledge on what products are good and will be used enough. Even after we were done in the store registering, I went back home and checked ratings on all the things we picked out and swapped out a TON of things for higher rated options.
My absolute FAVORITE things are the car seat and play-pen we picked out. To start with, the colors are AMAZING. Bright, bold, happy. The car seat is the kind that connects to a base that stays in your car, so it will be REALLY easy to get him in and out of cars and then we picked out a little stroller that the car seat snaps right into. Totes the easiest. The Pack n’ Play is going to be used as a bassinet at first, and will be really handy when we travel to San Diego at Christmas to visit Mr. A’s family. It has a removable layer so when he gets older we can remove it and it can be a super awesome play-pen. Basically I’ve researched myself into insane excitement.SO CUTE. I can’t wait for him to get here. He already seems so much more real now that we can call him by his name and not just “Baby”.
Some people have been asking about the registry, so I thought I would share a link…. you can look at ALL the cute wonderful things we picked out, because it was a total blast to do and short of pasting pictures of EVERYTHING into a blog post it would be easiest if you just check it out.
P.S. Mom’s did I get everything? Did I get anything that actually sucks? Is it normal to feel totally overwhelmed by all things baby will need?
- Am I allowed to be grateful that this week is over? I am. This week was hard.
- Being reminded that I have fantasical friends who will come over to drink wine and unpack boxes just to remind me that I am not alone. Ever.
- Every. Single. Episode. of. Archer. Makes me laugh hysterically. I had a friend over last night and I wanted him to watch it. He was skeptical. He laughed SUPER hard too. Bitch please.
- My coworkers. We had our big gala last night, and the best part was hanging out with my coworkers. They’re a super fun group of people. I laughed all night.
- I have had the most hilarious DM conversations all week with Ashley. Seriously.
- Technology. When friends are far away and feeling down, I love knowing that we’re connected. I can send silly pictures. Text them to say they’re amazing. Gchat them all day so they never feel alone.
- Date night with the best guy friend’s girlfriend. I am super in love with Mel, and I am so happy she’s dating my best guy friend. And I’m so glad she wants to hang out with me.
- Oh, and I am definitely grateful for best guy friend who puts together my couch for me after I have an anxiety attack at small group because my life is in boxes and I can’t walk in my new place and omg I AM DYING.
- My new hat from Etsy. I lurve it.
- I am super enjoying my commute time. Singing in the car, drinking coffee. It’s actually quite blissful.
Ok, your turn. Where have YOU found Grace this week?
My boss made fun of me this morning, she said I was dressed for summer. I said it was wishful thinking.
This whole “bay area cold-summer” thing is kind of killing me. It’s always overcast and sprinkling in the morning. The area here is so so so green because of it…. but it’s weird to not have it feel like summer.
Anyhow. I swear I will get back into some good posts for you soon. I just haven’t felt up to writing lately in publishable format, but my paper journal is getting full!